Dear Son,
You just fell asleep.
For the record, I never knew i had such immense self-control till tonight.
Because we have you. You made us a parent.
I want to protect you from this ugliness for as long as i could, but i failed.
I'm so sorry that you had to witness the heated animosity between your uncle and i, that made you cried so hard on the way back.. I couldnt offer much comfort to you. I know you must have felt all that harsh emotions seething through my veins. It was the worst 10-minutes drive home, ever. I was shaking in anger and fighting back my tears. I should have made better choices.
Mama is terrible, Mama failed to protect you. I am absolutely sorry.
Sometimes adults have opinions that they dont agree and so they quarrel. Sometimes it's for the better that these people dont get together. You might meet some of these as you grow up.. and i hope for you to learn forgiveness. This is what i am in severe deficit of.
You dont need to know that your pathetic uncle called mama nosy (by giving help for breastfeeding and mentioning basic consideration for the hired nanny) and that he yelled for mama & you to get out of his house, which by the way, is your great grandma's house being passed on to Uncle Sam.
Thinking about it now, i cant really blame your uncle. His psychiatric issues were never readdressed.
Deep down, i feel really sorry for Aunty Nicole & Teywin didi. Well, whatever had happened, happened already and we cannot change that. We cannot choose our parents but we can choose to be what we want to be. I do however, ernestly wishing that your cousin grows up without a father just like his mama and i. They both deserve to live in a much better junkyard.
Also, like i've said before, the only respect i will give to Junyi is at his funeral. In my floral maxi dress and a mocktail in hand.
Love,
Your MAMA
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